


Through the dark

by oowenhunt



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-11-04 07:15:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10986057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oowenhunt/pseuds/oowenhunt
Summary: Will doesn’t remember much of how he got there only a knock at the door, faces he didn’t know and then it was dark. When he pictures them in his mind the faces are blurred and their voices are muffled. He doesn’t know how long he’s been there, his sense of time completely screwed. Will continues to look around the darkness, his bare flesh dimpling as he shivers.





	1. chapter 1 - the dark

Darkness. Pure darkness. Soundlessness. Only the sound of his breathing filled his ears, the scraping of his bare feet on the cold concrete. The cuffs around his wrists scraped against the metal pipe, adhering his hands to it, keeping them up. Will looked around, unable to figure out where he was or why, only that he was bound in a room. His heart started to pound in his chest, desperate to escape the confines of his ribs. Will’s breathing became erratic as he slowly started to panic. It took a great deal of effort to try to get himself together. Panicking wouldn’t do him any good right now. He had to stay focused. 

Will doesn’t remember much of how he got there only a knock at the door, faces he didn’t know and then it was dark. When he pictures them in his mind the faces are blurred and their voices are muffled. He doesn’t know how long he’s been there, his sense of time completely screwed. Will continues to look around the darkness, his bare flesh dimpling as he shivers. He’s only wearing his t-shirt and sweatpants. Will’s just lucky he hadn’t made it to bed or he wouldn’t even have those to keep him a little warmer. He wonders if he’s alone in this place, if he’s left here to die or if someone’s keeping him here. It seems like overkill to keep him cuffed to the pipe in a presumably locked room but then again, if he was free, he’d be picking that lock. Maybe it’s not. It’s the only way to keep him in this damn room. 

He can’t stand all the way up but at least he can sit down on his knees. Will examines the pipe, realizing quickly there’s no easy escape. He lets out an exasperated sigh and he sits back down on his knees feeling hopeless. Fear tries to consume him once more and he uses all his energy to push it away. Will can’t let it, not now, unless he hopes for death. It’s a reality that’s snuck into his mind and he can’t get rid of it. Death. He might be jumping to conclusions here but death seemed like a natural next step in this particular scenario. 

Will hears feet shuffling up the hallway, keys jingling and sliding into the lock. The door opens, letting light in. It’s bright and his eyes squint as he tries to stare at the figure in the doorway. “Who..Who are you?” Will finally manages to say. “Ah Halstead. You’re awake! I’m Phil. Friend of your brothers. He did me wrong so I’m just returning the favour. You comfortable over there?’ Phil wasn’t much taller than Will was with dark hair, a 5 o’clock shadow on a face that always sort of looked pissed off. A bit of an accent but Will can’t place it. 

“Can’t say I am.” Will replies, shaking his head. “Sorry to hear that. I’ll speak to someone about that.” Phil laughs a great deal at his joke and saunters into the room, squatting next to Will. “Now you just sit tight alright? If everything goes according to plan, you won’t be in here very long.” Will couldn’t figure out if that was comforting or not to hear. How long was very long and what was at the end of that? The other man noticed the expression on Will’s face and clapped him on the back. “Oh come on! I’m not gonna kill ya right now! That’s…worst case scenario. Now lighten up! Although I guess, you can’t. Oh well. Someone’ll be by to give you some food.” And with that, the man left, leaving Will in the dark once more.

This routine continues for days and he wonders just how long he has to endure this. Will was counting the days but he thinks he’s missed a day or two and suddenly he has no idea how much time has passed. He feels even more closed in, his mind trying to come to terms with the idea that this room will be the only thing he’ll ever see ever again. It’s a horrifying thought but one he knows he needs to get used to, fast. Will’s limbs ache as he crams his tall frame in tight quarters. His back is killing him and he focuses on the pain of his nerves, clearing his mind of the terror that threatens to consume him every day he’s not found. 

Will thinks about his friends back at the hospital and he wonders if they know he’s missing. Does Jay know? Jay has to know. He would tear the city apart looking for him. It’s a comforting thought and one he knows to be true. Despite their differences, they care deeply for each other and Will would do just the same for Jay. 

Phil bursts into the room with a camera in hand. Will doesn’t want to look at him, too exhausted to face his captor. “Come on Halstead. Say Cheese!” A grin wide on his face. Phil huffs when Will doesn’t look and he takes a couple of pictures anyway. “You’re no fun.” “Lost my sense of humour after you cuffed me to a rusty ass pipe.” Will replies, glancing over at the other man. “Now now, I did it for your own good…er..no i”m just an asshole but your brother deserves it and I suppose, by extension, you.”

 

Will sighed.


	2. Cold wave.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie realizes something is wrong. 
> 
> tw: mentions of death and suicide. Swearing. Violence.

Chapter Two - Cold wave.

 

Nat - { text } Will, i’m bringing coffee today. Have a few extra minutes this morning.

Natalie yawned as she walked, coffee tray in hand. Owen had been feeling ill the previous night and she hadn’t slept much. The giant coffee would hopefully give her the boost of energy that she needed to get through her shift. Natalie yawned again, wondering if she couldn’t just grab a nap in one of the on-call rooms. She headed into the ED, greeting the nurses like she always did. “Maggie.” She said cheerfully, yawning again and setting down a coffee for her. “Thanks. You look tired.” Natalie shrugged. “Owen’s not feeling well. Poor thing. I left him with my mom.” Natalie paused for a moment. “You seen Will yet?” Maggie shook her head. “No, he’s not here yet. He was here pretty late last night. Probably hitting that snooze button one too many times.” Maggie pointed out, chuckling a little. Natalie smiled, realizing that was probably the reason. “Good point.”

The brunette changed into her scrubs and wandered out of the attending’s locker room, her eyebrows furrowed. It was just about shift change and Will still wasn’t there. He was usually the first one there. 

Will - { text } - Damn I have to miss coffee! Sorry, not feeling great. Can’t make it in.

“Oh Will’s sick.” Natalie said, looking down at her phone. “He’s not coming in.” Her voice full of disappointment. “Must be something going around.” Maggie shook her head, both at what was happening and just Natalie in general. She knew how the pair felt about each other yet neither seemed willing to make much of a move. One of these days she was going to sit them down and set it all straight. In the mean time, she was silent. Or as silent as she could muster anyway.

——

Three days of radio silence. One stray text and that had been it. Natalie thought it was odd for Will not to text or let anyone know he wasn’t coming for work. She wasn’t sure what to do, wondering if his illness had gotten the better of him. Her eyebrows furrowed, lost in thought, wondering if she shouldn’t just go over there to make sure he’s alright. Natalie toiled with the idea all day before finally deciding she should. She grabbed some soup and drove over to his apartment building. As her luck would have it, she ran into one of his neighbours who knew who she was and they chatted for a while before letting her into the building.

Natalie thanked them and headed upstairs, knocking softly on his door. For a second, she doesn’t realize the door isn’t actually closed all the way. Natalie is just about to mutter into the door that she’s here to see him and she brought some soup. She stares at the door as it pushes open, just a little. Natalie takes a deep breath. She pushes open the door, standing in the doorway at the obviously vacant apartment. It looked like he hadn’t been there in a couple of days, a half drank beer still sitting on the table, the tv still on low. “Will?” She called out quietly, walking around before poking her head in his room. His bed was made. Her heart pounded against her ribs and she nearly drops the soup in her hands before setting it on the counter.

 

Natalie decided to send another quick text to Will, waiting for a reply. It doesn't come. She decided to just outright phone him, maybe he’s stepped out to get some medication or something. The phone rings in the apartment and she follows the noise. It’s in the kitchen on the floor. She decided she can’t wait any longer and she immediately dials Will’s brother. “Jay, hi, It’s Natalie…I..I think something happened to Will..” Her stomach is in knots and she braces herself on the counter in his kitchen, wondering if something awful has happened or not. Natalie feels like she might be over reacting but there’s something telling her she’s not. She has a feeling and she’s decided to hold onto it.

A furry of words and I don’t knows before Jay finally hangs up and drives over to Will’s apartment. It isn’t long before the place is crawling with cops as they try to piece together what had happened and where he might have gone.

“Nothing. Not a god damn thing!” Jay yells, not at anyone in particular. “No one saw shit.” 

Word spread like wildfire that Will was missing all throughout the hospital and the neighbourhood. All the cameras across the street caught were people dressed entirely in black with their faces covered. The cameras at the rear of the building were disabled and they were no closer to finding out what the hell happened. Jay was visibly frustrated by this, his co-workers trying desperately to find words of comfort.

__

Will’s coworkers at the hospital were horribly distracted by what had happened, the few optimists sprouting words of encouragement. The police will find him. Jay’s gonna make the entire force look for Will. 

Everything was a mess. It certainly didn’t stop Natalie from hanging missing posters. Her and Connor lining the streets with Will’s face, hoping someone had seen him.

It wasn’t until two weeks later did Jay receive an envelope in the mail with a couple of pictures of Will, chained to that pipe with the words “Eye for an eye” written on the back.

Jay swore, throwing the pictures on his desk. He supposed at least Will was alive and at least he knew who had his brother but fuck. Seeing him like that. His eyebrows furrowed and he wanted nothing more than to lose his cool and yell and scream.

_____

Will shivered against the cold concrete wall, wondering when this would finally end. The pain in his limbs was becoming unbearable and it would only be a matter of time until his captors would hurt him further. He tried to dream at night. Dream of his bed, the fan in the background cooling off the room in a comfortable fashion. The problem with dreams is that sleep is necessary. Will wasn’t sure if he’d even slept in the last two weeks but he must have. Humans generally can’t go without sleep after 11 days before they regress and die. He must have slept. He must have. Maybe pieces at a time. 

Will can’t walk. it’s too painful and try as they might to get him to stand to drag him to who knows where, he can’t. He collapses under his own weight, his knees smashing into the floor below him. Will cries out and tries to right himself but his arms are too weak. “Stand up!” Phil commands, a little annoyed by this sudden turn of events. He shouldn’t be shocked but he is. “I..can’t..” Will replies, his voice hoarse and rough. They drag him away to a room he’s never been in and try to seat him but he can’t stay still, the pain too great. Eventually they settle for laying him on the floor and he sighs in relief. Will wonders if his body could handle crawling away but he knows that’s damn near impossible. He wants to have a spirt of energy, of strength but can’t quite find it. Will thinks of his friends and hopes when they find him he’s alive or he’s not unrecognizable if he’s not.  
The men are standing around him and he waits. Whatever it is, he’ll take it. His body is already in pain and more of it wouldn’t bother him. Maybe they would give him something else to focus on. Will waits.

The hits come. And he’s bleeding and bruised but he made it. And managed to tell them to fuck off while the feet swung at his stomach. “You can trap me in a room and cuff me to a fucking pipe. You can beat me and kill me but my brother is gonna put you fuckers in jail if it’s the last thing he does…”

That earns another swift kick but Will laughs. Maybe he’s lost his mind or maybe there’s so much going on, he doesn’t know what else to do. He eventually gets taken back to his room but at least, this time, he’s no longer cuffed. It’s sweet bliss as he lays flat on the floor, staring up a ceiling he can’t see. His body is broken but he’s still breathing.

Will looks around the room. His eyes are used to the dark but the room is so nondescript. There’s nothing about the room that makes it unique apart from the pipe against the wall. He stares back up at the ceiling and it’s just dark. It’s blank. There aren’t any lights. Weird.

Will thinks about a time in his life when the only thing he ever wished for was death. He remembers that period of time when he would pray a car would hit him on his way to work, someone would shoot him in a robbery or maybe, he’d just jump off the top of the hospital. Will thinks of Dr Wheeler. He can’t imagine wishing for death now. He wants nothing more than to live his life in the best way possible. Will doesn’t want to die in this room, alone, in the dark. He might not have a choice but he was damn well going to put on a brave face until the end.


	3. Borrowed Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay tries not to lose his cool. And fails.

Tips and unhelpful leads had led Jay nowhere fast. It was ultimately frustrating and even more so when he was nearly taken off the case. He was downgraded from the lead detective for obvious reasons and the fact that he was still even on the case was a miracle in itself. His brother had been missing for over a month, pictures sent every couple of days. Jay continued to toil over every single detail, trying desperately to find something he must have missed.

“I just..I don’t know where he could be. We’ve looked everywhere!” Jay huffs in frustration and shakes his head. “Well, I’m sure you’ll find him. He’s obviously still alive.” Natalie replies, trying to comfort him. She’s not sure if she believes her own words or not but she has to. Will has to be alive. Nat can’t even begin to imagine being in a world where he isn’t. Jay just sighs heavily and takes a long sip of his coffee. He longs for finding the bottom of a whiskey bottle but he knows that’s not going to get him anywhere. Him and Natalie sit in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. 

Jay’s phone goes off and he picks it up, not expecting much. “Halstead.” He said into the phone, a frown on his face. As he listens, his eyes light up. “Oh my god. I’m on my way.” And with that, he hangs up the phone. “They found him?” Natalie asked, her voice filled with hope. “No, but we have a lead on who might know where he is.” Jay leaps up from his chair and hurries off, coffee in hand. Natalie prays this lead goes somewhere and she slowly gets up and heads back into the ED to finish off her shift. 

The guy is coming out of the corner store when Jay “accidentally” collides with him. An exchange of words, raised eyebrows as the man realizes who it is. Jay shoves him into the cop car and takes him the station. There’s a lot of bargaining going on and Jay knows he has to act fast before this guy lawyers up. He doesn’t want this dude on the streets without giving something up. Eventually the man tells him where to find Phil after a bit of coaxing.

It’s a nondescript house in a decent neighbourhood and Jay wonders how this scum bag can afford such a house. They wait outside for a while before finally watching Phil pull up outside and get out of the car. A swarm of cops and Phil’s on the ground. “You’re coming with me you scum bag.” Jay murmurs in the man’s ear. “And you’re going to tell me where my brother is.” 

 

“Come on. An eye for an eye detective. You think I’d just leave your boy alive?” Phil asked, a cocky smile on his face. Jay practically rolled his eyes. “Eye for an eye? Really? Not my fault your brother was stupid enough to deal drugs and get arrested. It’s not my fault what happened in prison. You can’t pin this on me no matter how hard you try.” “That may be Halstead but the fact is, I’ve got your brother and I’m on the only one who knows where he is.” Cocky fucker. Jay frowns as the man openly admits what he’s done. The man doesn’t know they have one of his associates and he hopes they can pressure the other to tell them where Will is. “And besides, I killed him.” Jay doesn’t react. He can’t. Jay wants nothing more than to punch him right in his smug face but he won’t. Phil doesn’t need the satisfaction of seeing him angry. “I see and you won’t at least tell me where his body is then?” “No.” And loses his cool. Not very smooth to say the least. “You son of a bitch! How dare you! You killed my brother and I’m going to MAKE SURE YOU ROT IN THAT GOD DAMN CELL FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!” Phil is getting his wish. He’s riled him up nice and it couldn’t have gone any better. 

Jay is irate and he’s trying not to believe Phil but he can’t quite help it. They’re still holding one of Phil’s associates and he hopes to hell that they’ll cave so they don’t have to give an inch to Phil. He paces outside the room, Voight keeping a watchful eye. Jay knows what he’d offer up but it’s too risky. He can’t risk beating the shit out of Phil and then watching him get out on bail. Jay is pacing furiously now, completely beside himself. Dawson approaches him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

It’s moments later when Jay bursts back into the interrogation room. He seems calmer now. “If you want to call a lawyer, you can do so now. For now, you’ll be in holding until we can find a better place for you.” Phil narrows his eyes. “What are ya talkin’ about? I haven’t told you about your brother. I still want a deal!” “Oh it turned out to be unnecessary. One of your pals seems desperate to cut his jail time and he gave up what we needed. Now if you excuse me, I have to get my brother.” It felt so satisfactory to throw those words in Phil’s face. A small smirk spread across Jay’s face. It was a temporary relief, knowing all to well what was to come but at least, he knew where Will was.

 

Pulling up to the large building, it seems so unassuming. There are no cars around it and it almost seems abandoned if it wasn’t so well kept. The team slowly gets out of their cars and slowly makes their way into the building, readying themselves for whatever would come next. They walk up the hallways before reaching a shut door. Jay moves forward and pushes the door open. Will is laying with his back facing the door. His breath catches in his throat, his heart pounding as he braces himself for what he might find. His brother is awfully still. “Will..” Jay calls out, not very loud. He moves towards him before finally kneeling. Jay turns Will towards him.


	4. In my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will arrives at the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank my readers for their kind words and the kudos. It means a lot to me. This is my first fic in this fandom and I appreciate the support.

Will’s chocolate brown eyes stare up at him, seemingly vacant. He’s alive though, this much is for sure. Will stares at his brother, desperate to communicate, to tell him anything. His throat is dry and his chest aches. He can’t speak, too tired, too weak. Will tries to lift his hand but he settles with moving it across the floor while he waits for the gurney to come. Jay takes it in his and tells him it’s gonna be okay. Will’s heard that a thousand times over. Hell, he’s said it at least that many times to patients. The paramedics come and lift him onto a stretcher. Their voices are muffled and he can’t see their faces, his eyes too tired to open anymore. Will passes out during the ride from exhaustion but he’s glad he’s safe and his brother is there. 

 

When he gets to the hospital, it’s a fight to see who treats Will but Ethan takes charge. Will gets wheeled into a trauma room. He’s got a wide range of things going on including malnutrition and a very high fever. Will’s coming in and out of consciousness and he’s too weak to fight them as they examine him. He’s not entirely sure where he is or what’s going on. The faces aren’t clear as he strains to see who is who. Someone is bent over him, murmuring in his ear. Will doesn’t know who it is until they say his name and his eyes crack open a little more. He stares weakly up at his boss, an expression on her face that he doesn’t see often, especially in regards to him. Goodwin and him tend to butt heads a lot but she cares and she’s pissed by what happened. Will falls back into a semi-conscious state, flinching as they touch sensitive spots. He’s bathed in sweat, soaking the sheets. Will’s got a fever, among other things and they need to figure out why and get rid of it immediately. 

How did this happen? How did he end up here, in this place? A vindictive ex-con looking for revenge. He thought, that somehow he would end up okay on the other side. Will felt like he’d been through a lot and that he had thicker skin. He thought. Being basically beaten every day and half starved had done a number on him. Confined to a room he could barely move in, hunched over for days at a time. Will wondered if he’d ever really recover from this. He wanted to be strong like Jay and push through the trauma. Instead, he felt utterly consumed by it. Every inch of him felt like it was on fire. Will feels weak both physically and mentally. He wants strength but he can’t find it.

He feels needles slide into his skin, an oxygen mask slide onto his face. Will wants to fight it but he’s helpless. He knows he’s safe and he’s obviously in the hospital surrounded by his second family. Regardless, the pure fear he feels is consuming and he wishes he had the strength to run. 

They aren’t sure of any other physical injuries apart from the bruises and a fracture in one of his arms until they have to move him. Will screams in pain, the first noise he’s made the entire time he’s been there. His back aches. It’s intense and everlasting. He feels sick and he wants to vomit and curse and scream and explode. The amount of terror he expelled catches his colleges off guard and they rush to aid him. 

Will is drowning in pain killers and he doesn’t care. It’s the first piece of relief he’s had in weeks. His scream is haunting and Ethan’s eyebrows knit together. Sure he deals with some of this shit on a daily basis but he never knows anyone. It’s entirely different when it’s a fellow doctor. 

“Get out of my way!” Ethan hears a familiar female voice shout. His frown deepened and he turns to see Natalie rushing her way towards Will’s room. “What the hell happened?” She demanded, her eyes wild, glancing around the room before they landed on Will. “Natalie..” Ethan starts softly. “ They found him in an abandoned warehouse…He’s pretty out of it.. I don’t think…” But she didn’t let him finish as she pushed her way past the other trauma doctor. “Oh Will..” Natalie said quietly, gazing down at her bedridden friend. He looked so unlike himself. Paler and thinner. Broken and bruised. She wanted to touch him but thought better of it. Will probably wasn’t used to gentle hands just yet. Natalie stayed with him for a while, telling him stories about Owen. Whether he was actively listening, she wasn’t sure but she wanted to give him some comfort of her presence. She lingers for a while until Jay shows up. They hug for a moment or two, a few tears escaping her eyes. He tells her to get some coffee and to rest. Jay’s gonna keep an eye on his brother.

It’s several hours before he finally wakes again, looking around the room. Jay is sitting on a nearby chair, his head in his hands. Guilt has washed over him time and time again regardless that it’s really not his fault. He still kind of feels like it is. Will reaches out weakly, taking one of Jay’s hands. Jay gently squeezes his hand. “You’re gonna be okay alright? I know it’s shitty right now but you will be. You’re a god damn pistol. I know you don’t think it but you are. I’m glad you’re my brother. Don’t think..for a second that what you went through wasn’t..awful. I just…want to let you know that fuck head is in custody.” Jay worries that the lawyer is going to want Will to identify his captors but he hopes not. He hopes there’s enough evidence that it becomes unnecessary. Jay doesn’t feel like making his brother relive those weeks over and over more than he already will. 

Will just frowns. He’s glad of it, of course but it doesn’t change anything. Will knows he’s got a long way to go. He can barely speak let alone be reasonably functional. “I haven’t told Dad you’re back yet. I didn’t want to put too much on you right now but I will.” Will suspects he’ll know how that’ll go. Part of him hopes that their relationship has started to mend itself but he’s honestly not sure what his Dad would think of him like this. He’s not himself anymore and Will can barely deal with people walking by his room, let alone his Dad barging in and demanding god knows what. 

Ethan comes in to check on Will, noting the man’s fever has gone down. He was worried it would continue to persist considering Will’s state but it didn’t. Ethan pauses for a moment before looking over at Jay. “Will..needs a CT scan. We think there’s something wrong with his spine.” Jay shrugs. “I hear you man but I don’t think you’re going to get him to cooperate any time soon.” Dr Choi kind of figured as much but he hoped regardless. “I know…” He sighs and shakes his head. “We’re going to have to try in a couple of days. I don’t want him to have any permanent damage if he doesn’t already.” Of course even if they found something, he probably wasn’t strong enough for surgery anyway. It was disheartening to say the least. “I’ll check back soon.” Jay nodded at the doctor and turned his attention back to Will, who was staring into space. “Did you hear that? They want to scan you. They think something’s fucked up with your spine.” Will shakes his head profusely, his eyes darting around the room. “No, not now. It’s okay. Not now. Later. They know they can’t do it now.” He calms a little at his brother’s words but he knows he’s going to have to deal with it sooner rather than later.

Will gets administered some more pain killers and soon he’s pretty out of it again. Jay insists on staying the night and gets a cot put in the room. He’s going to keep him in his sight as much as he can.   
It’s 2am when Will wakes up in a panic, saying the first word he’s said since he got there and ultimately, the first word he’s said in days. 

“NO NO NO NO NO! NO NO NONO!” He shouts as loud as his lungs allow. Will is thrashing around, in full blown survival mode. Jay wakes up at the sounds of his distress and tries to calm him down. “Will! I’m right here.” Will’s looking at him. Sort of. His eyes aren’t focused. Normally, during moments like this, touching is not recommended. Jay doesn’t want his brother to hurt himself more than he probably already is so he reaches out. He wraps his arms around Will, trying to hold him still. It’s a little tricky considering their size difference but Will’s not that strong right now and he squeezes his arms and applies some pressure. Will struggles for a little longer before he gradually starts to calm. Tears flow from his eyes but he hasn’t seemed to notice. He sobs and gasps for breath, his chest heaving. Jay continues to murmur words of comfort, hoping it would help. Eventually catching his breath and a little chemical help, it puts Will back to sleep. Jay hates this. He hopes to hell Phil rots in jail for the rest of his life.

Jay stays the rest of the night and waits until Will wakes the next morning to tell him he’s getting coffee. He doesn’t want Will to think he’s abandoned him. 

Will’s alone in his room and he stares down at the tray of food he’s been presented with. It looks OK but he’s not entirely convinced. He’s not sure he has the stomach for it. It takes a bit of thought and by the time he decides he wants to eat it, the food isn't very hot. Will devours it. He was only planning on a bite or two but he hasn’t had an actual meal in weeks and it’s everything he wanted it to be. His stomach gurgles in approval, swelling slightly. Will leans back and sighs before a nurse comes in to check on him. It’s Maggie, of course, and she’s got a soft expression on her face. “Is your back still bugging you?” She asks, checking to make sure his monitors are working properly. Will nods silently. Maggie frowns. “Alright, well I’m going to get you some more morphine alright? We’re gonna fix you right up.” They’ve been close for a while and it breaks her heart to see him like this. Will just nods and tries not to move.


	5. somebody else

chapter five - somebody else

It’s been nearly a week since Will’s been found and he still hasn’t said a word apart from no. His eyes are a little less wild but the wildness returns when someone comes into the room, especially if they need something from him. He still doesn’t trust anyone apart from Jay. Logically he knows he’s safe and he knows who is friends are but his instinct is for flight. 

Connor comes in to see how he is. Will stares at him, waiting. 

“Come on Will. Don’t…don’t you want to get out of here?” He asks, his eyebrows furrowing together. Will just stares back. Of course he wants out. That’s not even a question. He doesn’t know where to go, however. Will doesn’t feel like his apartment is safe anymore. “You need to let the doctors get a CT of you. That’s the only way..And..and who knows what kinda spinal damage you’ve got..” Will just shakes his head, his hands gripping the bars on the bed. His heart is racing and he’s waiting. Connor is very unsettled. He’s never seen Will like this before. There’s no cocky smirk or angry expression on his face. All he sees is fear. Connor’s visited him this week, of course but usually when he does, Will’s pretty out of it or he’s asleep. He’s realizing very quickly that talking plainly to him obviously isn’t working. 

His heart continues to race in his chest and he feels like he can’t breathe. He’s trying to tell himself that it’s just Connor and he has nothing to fear but it’s consuming. It’sConner.It’sConner.It’sConner.It’sConner. It’s fine. It’s Connor. 

Connor decides to come back later, realizing his presence is only upsetting Will. He’s a little distraught himself, not being able to believe this person who has seemingly replaced his friend. “He’s…he’s just terrified of me. I just..I’ve never seen that…” Connor admits to Natalie as they stand at the nurse’s station. “I know..” Natalie replies softly, putting her hand on Connor’s shoulder. “He’ll barely let anyone touch him…I think we need to get Jay to convince him to get that CT. We can’t force him.” “No you can’t. He’s too traumatized.” Dr Reese points out, walking up to them. “As far as he knows, if you’re taking him somewhere, it’s for a terrible reason. If his brother can’t convince him, you’ll have to leave him alone.” Not that she wouldn’t try as well. Sarah feels like Will might open up to her if she works at it. She knows he certainly trusts women over men right now.

______

When Jay does eventually come back, it takes a bit of doing on their part to convince him to talk to Will about it. He doesn’t want to upset his brother anymore than he already is.

“If something happens, it’ll break him even more! I need him to trust me and I can’t break that trust.” Jay replies, frowning at the group of them. “I hear you Jay, I do but if Will doesn’t get this CT he might be risking himself for further injury. How do we know he doesn’t have a severe spinal injury waiting to happen?” Natalie counters, hoping that might help the situation. “Well it’s been a week and he’s fine.” “For now. He..he might be one panic attack away from being paralyzed!” Jay knew they were right but he still felt hesitant. 

“Fine. I’ll talk to him but if he freaks out, we’re done with this.” Jay holds his finger up before walking away. He’s nervous and he hopes to hell that Will agrees. Jay feels rather doubtful however but as long as he doesn’t lose the trust between him and Will, he’ll be okay.

“Hey.” Jay says softly, walking into the room. He sits down on the chair next to the bed and sighs. Will kind of smiles as best he can. “Look, they want me to convince you to get that CT. I know you don’t want it. I know the idea of leavin’ terrifies you…” Will starts to look a little panicked, wondering where this is going. “But..what if I come with you? I’ll be there the whole time and I’ll make sure nothin’ bad happens. I promise you.” Jay sets his hand on top of Wills. “I promise. I’m not gonna let anythin’ bad happen to you. I’m gonna keep you safe.” Will bites his lip, unsure of the entire thing. His heart his beating furiously and he’s certainly nervous but if Jay’s there…it might be okay… His eyebrows knit together in thought as he glances at Jay and then away. Will mulls over it for several minutes. He is in a lot of pain….

Finally Will nods.

It doesn’t take them long to act on this but Jay makes sure to keep his word. He doesn’t care if he’s in the way or whatever the case might be. He’s going to be there for his brother the whole time. They give him some pain killers and lightly sedate him. Will’s still aware of what’s happening but he feels a little calmer. Jay makes sure he’s in eyesight the whole time as they wheel him out of the room. Will keeps looking for him, making sure he’s there. He watches him the whole time, and listens to the sound of Jay’s voice when he finally gets into the machine. 

Will has a fracture in his spine and it’s slightly out of alignment. He’s going to need surgery and they all dread how that might go. Will is taken back to his room and he’s relieved it went okay. He hopes that’s the end of that and tries hard to stay calm. 

_____

Sarah takes the opportunity to come into the room. Will stares at her, not totally unnerved by her presence but he’s cautious. “Hey Will.” She says with a smile on her face. “I’m glad you had that CT done. That must have taken a lot of courage but we’re all very proud of you.” Will’s always liked her and while his mind is playing tricks on him, he’s trying hard to focus. “Everyone misses you. I know..I know you’ve lost your voice but I hope..I hope you find it again. Someone’s gotta order people around the ED.” That gets a small smile from Will which Sarah takes as a win. 

He wants his voice back too. Will wants to be able to use it in happiness rather than to simply cry out in fear and in pain. He’s hopeful.

_____

He’s alone, lost in his thoughts. Jay’s brought some things for him but he’s just not there yet. Will stares into space and he shifts ever so slightly, wincing at the pain in his back. 

_“Say it!” Phil demands, staring down the bloodied and bruised doctor at his feet. Will rolls over, groaning, spitting blood from his mouth. He knows another is coming and he waits for a moment before feeling the swift kick to his spine. Will cries out and prays it’ll stop soon. “SAY IT!” Phil shouts again, angrier than before. Will wonders if saying it will make this end and he feels if he was a stronger person, he might just spit blood in Phil’s face._

_“Help me..” Will finally whispers as he desperately tries to find a position that doesn’t hurt as much. A smile spreads across Phil’s face at the words. “See? That wasn’t so hard was it doc?” Will wants to roll his eyes but he doesn’t want another kick. He just wants to be left alone, to die in peace._

Stray tears fall from his eyes, his jaw clenching. Will realizes where he is and he tries to breath deeply, regardless of the pain in his ribs. He feels the soft fabric of the blanket he’s under. Will tries to remind himself he’s free but he feels far from it. He feels trapped in his own mind and as far as he’s concerned, he’s still on that concrete floor. 

_“I…i can’t…sstand…” Will pleads as he collapses under his own weight. There’s too much pain, too much. It’s all consuming and he’s drowning in it. “STAND UP!” Phil demands angrily. He nods at his boys and they help stand him up. Will’s legs are shaking and his back is spasming. The world is spinning around and around, the bile in his stomach is bubbling into his throat. It’s too much. Will vomits in front of him and the boys let go. He falls on his knees and empties his stomach before rolling over. “Disgusting.” Phill spits, his eyebrows furrowing. “You’re weak and pathetic. You really aren’t like your brother, are you?”_

_Will doesn’t answer. “Hey!” Phil barely nudges him in the small of his back and the red head winces, trying not to cry out. “We’re….different…”_

 

Will squeezes his eyes shut and he tries to centre himself. He’s fine. He’s safe. Phil is in jail. He can’t hurt him anymore. Easier said than done but he had to try. Will wondered what he looked like. He hadn’t looked in a mirror in a long damn time but truthfully it was probably for the better. Will hadn’t showered in…a long time either. They’ve been giving him cloths to clean with because he can't stand. He wants the pain to go away. Certainly he’s known this for a while but the only way he’s going to be able to get through this is to have that surgery. It’s a terrifying thought regardless of the positive outcome. Logically, he knows this. There’s a lot of fear attached to leaving this room and letting someone take total control of his body. 

____

It’s been 3 more days, 8 days in total. When someone asks him once more about the surgery and he finally nods yes. He still hasn’t spoken which is concerning but a least he’s taking a step. A huge step. Sarah’s pleased with his progress, despite that he still hasn't said a word. Maybe the surgery would help that but she’s not sure. 

Jay’s visibly worried, of course, and he’s asking the surgeon a lot of questions. Dr Peterson is trying to be patient but he’s still crass at the best of times. “Mr Halstead, I know what I’m doing and the best thing you can do is go away. If you want me to help your brother, you need to be patient.” As if that would happen but Jay huffed and glanced back over at Will, who looked pretty worried. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. You’re going to get through this.” Jay soothed as best he could. He realized he was speaking to both of them, trying to assure himself that everything would eventually end up okay. Jay hadn’t worried so much in his life. 

Will is still visibly panicked when the nurses come in to prep him for surgery. April’s not sure how to take this. He helped her a lot with her TB and she was trying to return the favour even though she felt a little helpless. Will just watched her intently while she carefully shaved where he was getting the surgery done. It took an overwhelming amount of effort not to cower away and demand to be left alone. He continued to try to focus on who it was and that he was safe. By the time she was done, he was exhausted. Will relaxed back into his bed and sighed internally. She uttered the words that he’d heard time and time again. It’s going to be okay.

It didn’t even seem like a real phrase at this point. They felt like empty words regardless that they obviously weren’t. His friends cared for him and wanted him to do better. It wasn’t too much longer that they came to take him to surgery. Jay walked with him until he was no longer able to, watching his brother get taken away to the OR. They didn’t waste too much time putting him under, not wanting him to get upset.

The surgery went well and hopefully Will would make a full recovery. It was the first time Jay looked at him in days and saw absolute peace. Truthfully it was probably longer than that. He couldn’t remember the last time either of them looked like that but it was nice. Several hours later he woke up feeling groggy and disoriented. Jay reminded him as best he could and hoped his words were being effective. Will wondered through his haze if this would fix him. Would he get his life back now? Could he somehow return to normalcy? Deep down, of course, he knew better. It was so much more than the back pain. So much more. 

“How are ya feelin’? Jay asked, tilting his head slightly, resting his hand on Will’s forehead, pushing his hair back a little. He shrugged in response. “Feelin' any better?” Will nodded slightly, regardless that it was too early to tell. So far so good anyway. “So..uh…Dad's coming..” Will’s eyebrows furrowed in his haze. No no no. Their Dad was NOT supposed to see him like this. “I know what you’re thinkin’ but he insisted. I couldn’t keep it from him…” Will wasn’t ready to see their father right now. He didn’t need him seeing him like this. The roles were reversed once and Will didn’t want it to come back around. He still didn’t like to be weak around him.

It wasn’t long before their father appeared in the doorway of his room. Will wasn’t entirely sure what to do but at least he wasn’t alone. “Oh my god Will..” Their father uttered, coming into the room. Will stared at him sleepily, a ghost of a smile on his face. “He’s..he’s in bad shape Pop. He’s not talkin’.” “It’s alright…You do what you gotta do son." He says looking at Will before glancing back at Jay. “So..he had surgery?” “Yeah. On his spine. Couldn’t walk. They say they're gonna get him walkin’ in the next couple of days.” “Jesus..” His father frowns, resting his hand on Will’s cheek. Will finches slightly at the touch but he doesn’t pull away. “You’re tough shit Will. You’re gonna get through this.” Oh he’s heard this A THOUSAND times and it doesn’t feel true. He appreciates his father saying it considering their relationship. Will kind of wants to sob, tears threatening to leave his eyes but he won’t. It’s a huge step that his Dad is even there to start with and saying the things he’s saying. Will doesn’t want to fall apart in front of him.

He stays for a little while longer but with a little nudging from Jay, he leaves.


	6. dear, home.

chapter 6 - dear, home.

“I just need you to take a couple more steps for me okay?” 

Will hates this. Well, not totally. He’s happy to be on his feet but he wishes it wasn’t such a struggle. Will wants to walk normally and without help. His stubbornness is coming back in full swing. He carefully makes another step and sighs, looking up at Ethan before staring way up at the ceiling. Eventually Will takes another step and leans against the bars. He’s already exhausted and he’s only walked a couple of feet. Will hasn’t done much walking in the last two months but that doesn’t occur to him. 

“You did great.” Ethan praises, a small smile on his face. Will smiles back, just a little, but he still feels disappointed. He wants to be fixed. Will’s sick of being injured, both physically and mentally. He wants to shout from the rooftops that he's angry but he’s still alive but his voice is gone. Will wants to run as fast as he can, away from it all but his legs won’t allow it. He feels trapped. Will lays down on his bed and waits for relief. He knows he needs to work at his recovery and he is but, he wants a little bit of his old normal, now.

People cycle through, visitor after visitor. He appreciates the company and it makes him feel loved. Everyone seems pretty supportive and he feels lucky to have them. 

It's another week and physically, he _should_ go home. Will _could_ recover at home. The doctors, however, don’t feel he’s ready to go just yet. No one feels like he can take care of himself and he still hasn’t spoken a word. Instead, he’s stuck in the hospital, awaiting transfer to a new ward. Will lets out an exasperated sigh and does the only thing he has control over. He just walks. A lot. His steps are still shaky and he worries a lot. Will’s fallen a couple of times and he can never quite get himself up on his feet again. Seems like a metaphor as far as he’s concerned. 

Natalie helps him, a lot. She holds his arm as he walks up and down the hallways. He loved her once. Will supposes he still does but it’s different now. He’s too consumed by everything else to be focusing on such feelings. Will certainly cares for her, this much he knows to be true. He whispers a _thank you_ to her but it’s so quiet. She wonders if she was just hearing things. Natalie helps him back into bed and he lays back, relieved he’s not on his feet anymore. She strains her ears for the rest of their visit together but he doesn’t say another word. 

___

Will gets transferred to psych and stays there for a week before Jay decides that’s enough. He knows his brother is still fucked up but he would probably do better at home and not trapped in a hospital room. Jay takes Will back to his apartment, not wanting to take his brother back to his own place. “I grabbed some of your stuff from your place. If there’s something else you want, you just try your best to tell me alright?” It amazes Will every single day just how patient Jay is with him. His brother has been there every single step of the way and he honestly doesn't know how to repay him. Will feels so lost and weak and his brother has been the solid rock that he can hold onto in the current. He nods a little at the request but he figures he won’t need much of anything.

Will sits on the couch and runs his fingers over the cushions. Little tiny patterns covered the entire couch, something he never really noticed before. Jay watches him carefully, wondering what’s going on in his mind. Will familiarizes himself with how it feels and he looks around, carefully figuring out, now that he was more mobile, where he could hide. He knew where the exit was into the hallway but there was always the fire escape. The bathroom had a decent lock on it. His eyes are darting around the apartment, his heart beating a little faster. Will bites his lip as he tries not to react. He takes a couple of deep breaths and does his best to remain as calm as he can. Jay sees right through this act and walks briskly over to him. “Hey, you’re right here. You’re sitting on my couch. You want some water?” He gets up for a moment and gets Will some ice water. Jay always finds that helps a little bit when he’s having panic attacks. He takes the water and sips it slowly. Will feels like he might crawl out of his own skin but he’s trying to focus on the ice cold water and how it feels in his hand.

Twenty minutes later and maybe he’s okay. Or at least he feels a little less like his skin is coming off. Will wants to say something. The pit of his stomach is twisting and turning at the idea but he wants to talk to Jay. He feels like he might be sick. It’s been weeks. 

_”Thank you.."_ Will whispers, softly. It’s barely audible and he’s not sure Jay even heard him. A smile spreads across Jay’s face. “You're welcome little brother.” He hugs Will, happy he managed to use his voice, even if it was only a little bit. Jay’s always straining his ears, just in case and hearing that faint little phrase was more progress. Will can't help but reciprocate the smile. He hopes he can say more things to Jay soon. All he wants to do, at the very least, is communicate with his brother. 

Will lays down on the couch and brings one of the pillows against him. Each day he cherishes the comfort. Laying on the couch feels like memory foam, like it’s made of the softest fabric he’s ever touched. 

Of course Jay protests this. 

“You’re not sleepin’ on the couch Will.” He says, his eyebrows knitted together. “Sleep in the bed. I’ll take the couch.” As if that makes Will feel better knowing his brother has to cram his frame onto the couch for endless nights. Will slowly sits up and presses his lips together. _You shouldn’t have to give up your bed to me…_ He thinks to himself, wishing that Jay could somehow read his mind. Hopefully his expression conveys what he’s feeling. His face his pretty expressive and Jay has no problem figuring it out. “I don’t care.” He helps his brother off the couch, taking it slow and eventually getting him to the bed, laying him down in a comfortable position.

The bed is even more comfortable. It’s probably the softest surface he’s touched in 3 months. He sinks into the mattress and closes his eyes for a moment. 

Jay leaves the room, and Will is left with his thoughts. He hears the tv, the news and then the station is quickly changed. Jay’s watching sports, maybe football, Will thinks. He misses going to games with Jay and watching the Sunday games on the tv, drinking beer. Little moments he probably wouldn’t have again for a little while. Will sighs quietly and stares at the wall. He wants to get up and join Jay but he knows he can’t sit for that long. It would hurt too much. Will wrinkles his nose at the thought and wonders if he shouldn’t just dig for a book or watch something on his computer. Getting up is a lot of work and he’s already exhausted. Maybe he just needs to sleep regardless of how difficult that would be. 

Will turns the lamp off in the bedroom and bathes himself in the darkness. He’s just lucky he’s always wearing comfortable clothes because changing right now would have tired him out further. Will doesn’t remember falling asleep but he must have. He dreams of happy times. Will dreams about playing hockey with Jay in the street with their friends. It’s fun and carefree but there’s shouting and the shouting doesn’t stop but the scenery changes. It’s dark and cold and there’s that rusted pipe in front of his face. He feels fear and pain. Will is shouting at the top of his lungs. He feels like his back is on fire and maybe, in this particular scenario, it is. His flesh is peeling and he’s convulsing and screaming and he’s shaking. Will’s being shaken awake and Jay is staring down at him. Will stares up at him, his eyes wide and his mouth agape. His throat feels dry and raw. He must have screamed himself hoarse in his sleep. Tears stream down his face and he takes a deep breath. It’s shaky and he wonders if he’s just going to start sobbing and never stop. Will wishes he couldn’t feel anything. He wishes he was indifferent to the entire thing. Will wishes for numbness. 

“it’s okay.” Jay soothes, knowing everything is far from it. His brother is having frequent nightmares and maybe, he thinks, he should have left Will in the hospital. Jay shakes away the thought. Being trapped in the hospital wouldn’t do him any good. He needs the freedom. Will leans against him, his fingers gripping the other man’s t-shirt. 

_I can’t get out.._ Will whispers faintly. Jay knows he spoke but he doesn’t know what he said. "I can't hear you when you speak so quietly.” He murmurs to the red head, leaning his head down towards him. Will knows that but he can’t muster up the _courage_ , perhaps, to speak louder. He feels as though he’s going to be trapped in his own mind for the rest of his life. Will fears for that. What if this fucked up his career? What if he’s always too fucked up to practice medicine? He’s trying not to let his mind go down that path but he can’t help it. It’s all encompassing. All consuming. It’s eating him alive and there’s nothing he can do about it. 

Jay sighs for a moment. “I’ll be right back.” He says softly to Will. Jay gets up and returns a moment later with two glasses in his hand. He kicks his shoes off and shimmies onto the bed. “Here. Drink this.” It’s whiskey and it’s probably a terrible idea considering he’s still on pain killers but it’ll probably calm him a little more. Will takes the glass and clutches it in his hands. The pair lean back on the bed in silence. The whiskey burns his throat a little going down but it’s comforting none the less. It doesn’t take long for the red head to fall asleep again, glad he’s not alone now. His sleep isn’t the smoothest but he feels safe. Just laying there awake, staring up at the ceiling is enough for him. Will’s comfortable and warm and that’s all he can ask for right now. He’s happy he’s not in the hospital anymore. It was way too much for him to deal with even if the intentions were good.

__


	7. a million little pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw; mentions of suicide.

Chapter 7 - a million little pieces.

Fortunately or Unfortunately, however Will wished to look at it each day, he had therapy every day. PT every other day. Jay dutifully drove him almost every day, except when other friends insisted on taking him that day. Will just felt guilty even though he knew he needed the help. If he wasn’t so terrified to go on his own, he’d take a cab. 

“How are you feeling today Will?” Sarah Reese asked him, a small smile on her face. He sat across from her and puzzled over her question. Eventually Will wrote on the board she’d provided that he was OK today. “Just Okay?” He erased what he wrote and put that he didn’t sleep much. Progress felt slow to Will and he wished to speak to her. Will didn’t want to spill EVERYTHING to her but he at least wanted to have a conversation with her that didn’t involve whiteboards. 

“Were you having nightmares? Was that keeping you up?” 

_Just one. Thinking a lot. Still in pain._

“Do you want to talk about them?”

_No._

“Can you tell me something about them? Even if it’s just a small detail.”

Will toiled over that. While he wanted to talk to her, thinking about what happened was not something he wanted to do. Ever. Of course he knew, logically, that the only way to move forward _was_ to talk about it. He thought about it a little longer before he finally decided to write something down.

_They kept me cold. Ice cold. At night, I dreamt I was on fire._ The first thing he’d ever admitted since he had been freed. it felt terrifying and humiliating to admit, yet it felt sort of freeing all the same.

Sarah couldn’t get much out of him after that but it was more than she had before. She wondered if the man she knew before would ever come back. Will got up from the chair and walked out of the room. He was locked inside of his own head, desperate to speak the words he needed to say or even, wanted to say. Will wanted to say things but his voice wouldn’t allow him those luxuries. He walked down the hallway and rode the elevator down, avoiding people’s gazes. So many people had so many questions and he had nothing to give. Will wasn’t the old Will anymore. He was a shell of a person. Will avoided the ED and headed straight for the front doors, finding a bench to sit on to wait for Jay. His hands rubbed together, lost in thought as he scanned each car for the one he wanted. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure move towards him. Will’s heart started to race and he slowly turned his head towards the person before visibly relaxing. “Hey.” Connor said warmly, hands tucked in his jeans. “Mind if I sit?” Will shakes his head and shifts over to make room. Connor sits next to him and watches the traffic. 

He’s quiet for several minutes before he speaks. “You know..What happened to you…I..I can’t imagine what it was like…but, I know you’re gonna get through this. You’re Will Halstead for fuck sake. The ED isn’t the same without that thorn in my side. I haven’t seen your smirk in weeks you know. That cocky look you get on your face when you _know_ you’re right. You can get through anything…”

While the words are appreciated and they’re certainly encouraging, if not constantly reiterated, Will has a lot of doubts. He doesn't know who he is anymore. The old Will would get through it all. He knows this for a fact. Will felt like he _was_ a strong person. Once. He’d do what he had to do, let it all out and then he’d get back up and go on with his day. Now..Now it seemed, he’d fallen and he couldn’t get up. He’d let it out days and days and days ago. Will screamed himself hoarse until there was nothing left. 

He shook his head. Will picked up his notebook and wrote carefully. _I don’t know about that anymore._ Connor’s eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t say that Will. We’re all here for you. We’re gonna be there every single step of the way.” It was hard to be positive and believe the words that Connor was saying. It wasn’t as though he didn’t want to believe because he obviously did. Will wanted to be Will again. Connor looked at his friend and studied him. He looked a little less scared than he had but he seemed sort of, resigned. 

Connor sat with him until Jay arrived. “I’ve got it from here.” Jay said, helping Will up. The dark haired man was vaguely puzzled but he figured he was just being over protective. “I’ll see you around Will.” Connor says softly before getting up and walking away.

“Dr Rhodes is sure hanging around you a lot.” Jay narrows his eyes a little. “I still don’t like him.” Will can’t help but shake his head. “You’re not like.. _seeing_ him, are you?” Will stares at him like he’s grown an extra head. How Jay’s mind as gone there, he’s not sure. He shakes his head again. Romance in ANY sense was totally out of the picture with anyone. The thought of anyone touching him made his skin crawl, let alone being in a relationship. And why was this up for debate in the first place? Will could barely defend himself as it was. He hurriedly wrote _dude._ on his notebook. _Who. Who would date me right now?_ Jay nods. “Good point. Hell, who would date you before hand?” Will hit him on the arm lightly for the comment but he had a smile on his face.

Jay drives them home while Will gazes out the window, deep in thought as he always is. Being in a relationship seems like the farthest thing from him right now. He’s trying to figure out how to go back to work and what sort of state he needs to be in. Maybe when he feels a little more comfortable he can assist with _something_. Will certainly can’t be an attending right now and probably not for a little while yet. Once he’s recovered physically, he wants to talk to Goodwin to figure out what’s next. He knows she’ll want to have a meeting. Will doesn’t want to lose his career. He can’t be terrified for the rest of his life. Will could live with not speaking again but the fear is too much.

They pull in front of the apartment building and get out. Jay helps him out of the car and they start to walk inside. It’s a couple of the boys from the fire station coming to say hi. Will doesn’t blame them for wanting to hug him and give him well wishes. Unfortunately, words are all he can deal with right now as one of them, whom he is very fond of, opens their arms does Will run as fast as his legs can carry him, behind the building and into the back entrance. Jay sighs heavily. “He’s..he’s not ready for that yet..” They’re sympathetic and they come with Jay to make sure Will’s alright. 

Will’s hiding in the stairwell, trying not to pass out. He’s in a lot of pain and his lungs aren’t performing as well as he would like them to. Will gasps for air and clutches his chest. Running was a mistake and his back is not pleased. He doesn’t much care and he looks up to see his brother staring at him in worry with the guys behind him. Will feels embarrassed by what happened and he turns away. Jay sends them away and heads inside. “hey, it’s alright now. You’re okay. god, you must be hurtin’ now..” Will’s back is still facing him and Jay’s reminded of the photographs. He tries to shake the images out of his head. 

 

Will feels foolish for thinking about the future when he’s clearly not ready to. He can’t even let friends hug him without getting upset. “Come on, it’s alright dude. What..what you went through wasn’t a small thing. It’s okay to still be all fucked up over it.” Jay tried to reassure him but he knew what it was like. All of those things were easier said than done in the end. He held his hand out and Will took it, standing up. 

The coming weeks were hard. Will felt as though he would take a couple steps forward and then 17 back. He nearly had a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store with Jay. Will thought he saw a guy who looked like one of Phil’s men. Perhaps he just saw them everywhere. Every store. Every car. They were always around, all the time. Maybe they were standing out on the street, staring up at the apartment or walking down the hallway. Perhaps it was the period of time where he was absolutely fine or close to it that tended to bother him in the end. He’d be lulled into a false sense of security until all hell would break loose. It was hard to deal with but he tried not to let it get to him too much. Will tried to use his therapy sessions but he still hadn’t spoken a word. He would try to talk to Jay sometimes but he couldn’t get it above a soft whisper, often falling upon empty ears. Jay would usually only be able to hear him if they were sitting together in silence. He decides to try again.

“Thank you..” Will says quietly, wondering if the wind from the open window hadn’t just blown his words away. Jay turned his head towards his brother, his eyebrows furrowed. “For what?” “For…everything. I know it’s hard..” “Will, you don’t have to thank me. This is what I’m here for.” “No..you..you’re going above what you should do…I’ll..I’ll make it up…” He felt as if he had to apologize for everything. Will wasn’t the easiest person to deal with on a good day let alone in this particular state. “You suffered for me Will. I’m making it up to you.” He wasn’t going to cry. Will could feel it welling up inside of him but he didn’t want to show yet more weakness. He wanted to prove he was stronger, that he’d improved. “I’m..I’m gonna make this better..” This was the most Will had spoken in a long time and while Jay, like always, tried to make the conversation continue to flow, Will had decided that was enough. 

Trying to put his pieces back together had proved insanely difficult. Will found himself increasingly puzzled over this entire ordeal. How had he broken in so many pieces? Had some of them blown away in the wind, never to be found again? He’d been through a lot of shit in his life and came out whole. Now, however, he was completely lost. Will wondered if he’d always been losing pieces. Maybe pieces were always falling away, down storm drains, down scrub sinks and blowing away in the Chicago wind. Maybe this was the tipping point. The mask he wore on a daily basis had finally come off and there was no way to put it back on. Normally it might happen gradually as he had been but it had been brutally ripped away from him. 

_”Are you gonna scream for me again?” The man with the gruff voice asked, amusement clear in his words. Will looked up at him with dead eyes. “Awh come on Halstead! You can’t hold back on me now!” His eyes narrowed up at the man and he spit the blood that pooled in his mouth at him. “Oh he's a spitfire this one!” Another man laughed and reached out for him. Will kicked out at him, hitting the man’s shin. “Oh shit! He’s really pissy today isn’t he?” There wasn’t much he could do to defend himself chained to that pipe but he’d give it all he got regardless of how much pain he was in._

“Will, you’re bleeding…” Jay commented, staring at his brother who had seemingly bit his lip rather hard. Will snapped out of the haze he was in and stared back at Jay. He brought his hand to his lip and brought it away, staring at the blood on his fingers. 

Oh he wasn’t okay. 

His therapy sessions for the next little while were less progressive. He didn’t even want to write anything down. Will spent the better part of it staring out the window.  
7  
Natalie watched the shell of her friend leave the hospital once more. She’d watched him for days upon days, wishing she could help. Natalie felt helpless but she tried to help in little ways just by driving him to appointments or even getting him food now and again. Will appreciated it. She’d been there since the beginning and she was still there. Now it wasn’t even Will in that man’s body. 

It was a downward spiral from there. Will barely engaged in his sessions and didn’t say a word, not even to Jay for another couple of weeks. He was becoming increasingly depressed, opting to stay in bed all day instead of getting up. Jay certainly tried but he still had a full time job to go to. He left Will alone for the day as he headed to work, briefly glancing into the bedroom at his brother’s sleeping form. Jay detoured to the hospital and headed inside. “What is it? How’s Will?” Maggie asked, a concerned expression on her face. “Oh he’s…I don’t know what to do anymore. He won’t get up. He won’t talk anymore. He’d talk to me, sometimes but he won’t even do that. He’s missed his last couple of therapy sessions.” Natalie shook her head, overhearing the conversation. “We just need..to figure out a way to get him up. It’s just a set back…” Not that her mind didn’t go places because it did. She worried for him. “Maybe I’ll try talking to him or something. Bring him some soup.” “Well, whatever works Nat. If it helps, by all means.” Jay replied, wondering if her effort was going to be foolish or not.

Will spent the majority of the day laying in bed, counting down the hours. Swallowing some sleeping pills and sleeping the day away was tempting to say the least but he feared he could dream and that was not something he wanted to do. He thought he had been doing so good and now he could barely get out of bed in the morning. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t expected this because that’s what Sarah had been mentioning here and there but having it actually happen was something else. Will wrapped his arms around himself and sighed. 

A tiny thought creeped into his mind. It had been there for a while, often popping in and out. Today, however, it was _all_ he could think about. All encompassing. All consuming. And it would be easy. A bottle of whiskey and a bottle of pills. Done. The solution to end the problems and the pain. Will laid there contemplating such a decision, wondering where he might do it. Maybe he would just do it on the couch so he wouldn’t wreck Jay’s bed. He knew it would upset his brother significantly but ultimately, he’d lost Will months ago. The couch was the best bet. 

It was hard to drag himself out of the warmth of the comforter but soon it wouldn’t even matter. He just wanted to get rid of the shell of the person he was. There was nothing left anymore, just empty spaces and dark corners. A vast emptiness like some sort of void. Will got up and trudged into the kitchen, digging around in the cupboard until he found what he was looking for. He set the bottle on the counter and headed into the bathroom to retrieve the pills he’d been taking for his back pain. Will leaned against the counter, lost in thought before pulling the top of the bottle off and taking a swig. It burned but it tasted good. Maybe a little more for courage. He felt like taking his own life would be easy. Who was he anyway? Most days he didn’t even feel like a person, let alone his actual self. 

And it was easy. At first.

He sat down on the couch. 

Another swig and he’d popped a couple of pills. 

Maybe a few more.

He’d taken about 5 when it dawned on him as he glanced over at a picture of him and Jay, smiling faces on the fridge. It was from last summer. They’d rented a cabin with some friends and the pair were sitting by the fire laughing about something.

Jay. 

Dad.

Natalie.

Maggie.

Connor.

Ethan.

April.

Sarah.

His people.

_Him._

A Canaryville alumni that gave himself the life he so desperately craved growing up. A bigger and better life. 

How could he just end it all now? All of the work. All of the hard work to end in death? He was supposed to grow old with Jay and the rest of his friends, not get buried underground at 32. Fuck those guys that tried to take his life. How dare they try to rob him of his happiness.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Will shook his head and hurried towards the bathroom, grabbing a toothbrush. Emptying his stomach of the contents was easy enough but he still felt dizzy and slightly drunk. What a stupid move. 

Fucking stupid.  
Fuck.

He felt ashamed of himself for trying such a thing. Will put the bottles away, got himself the largest glass of water he could and crawled back into bed. 

His phone made a noise and he debated whether or not he would even pick it up. Will decided there was no harm in it as it might distract him. He picked it up and read the message. Natalie. She wanted to visit and she was asking if it was okay. He thought about just telling her not today but maybe, he should say yes. Several minutes went by while he debated this before finally saying yes.

{ text } I’m in bed. - Will

{ text } So i’ve heard. - Nat

She obviously didn’t waste any time in hurrying over, about 10 minutes later she gently knocked on the door, unlocking it with the key Jay had given her. “Hey Will, It’s Nat. I’m here.” She called into the apartment before she took her shoes off, setting the food on the counter. Natalie moved through the kitchen and down the hallway to the bedroom, her friend bathed in darkness under the covers. She walked around the bed and lifted up the blankets. “There you are.” Natalie said with a smile on her face. Will looked up at her and smiled just a little. “Move over.” She murmured, getting on the bed and throwing the blankets over the two of them again. 

“Hey.” Natalie says softly, reaching out and taking his hand. Will sighs. “I brought some food. Maybe we should eat it later.” She rubs the top of his hand with her thumb, looking at the man she would always care for. What was it about the way she was looking at him, her gentle touch on his hand that made him break apart? Without much warning, he felt himself immediately start to tear up. A sob escaped his lips and tears poured from his eyes. Natalie hadn’t expected this sort of reaction and she wrapped her arms around him as she always did when he cried, murmuring words of comfort. He sobbed for what felt like days as far as he was concerned, his chest aching. His throat felt raw, the sobs ripping at the already tender flesh. Natalie was here and she almost found him dead. Almost. The guilt was consuming. He wanted to tell her he was sorry, that he knew it was a bad idea but nothing escaped his lips but cries. All he’d wanted to do was take away the pain he was in but the permanent solution to it all wouldn’t help. It would only leave more behind. Will continued to sob into her arms until there was nothing left. He couldn’t keep this a secret. The only problem was finding the voice he needed in order to tell someone about it. 

“You feeling a little better?” Natalie asked in a soft voice, her eyes worried. Will shrugged. He didn’t want to tell her.

But he should.

Will felt like he might vomit again and closed his eyes for a moment. The words wouldn’t come so he grabbed the notebook he kept close by.

_I just tried to kill myself._ He clutched it against his chest, fresh tears welling up in his eyes. Will felt so embarrassed. “What is it?” Natalie asked, sitting up, her eyebrows knitting together. He slowly turned it around to face her. Her face fell. “Oh my god Will…are..are you okay? Right now? Do we need to—-“ He shook his head. Will clutched his fist in frustration as he tried feebly to communicate to her. 

_I’m ok now. i’d rather not._

“Oh my god! I mean, I guess I should have seen it coming..I just..I thought…” Natalie rambled on to him. Will shook his head. “Will..” She paused, sighing. “You _have_ to tell your doctor this.” 

_I don’t want to be locked up_ Tears spilled from his eyes once more, his lip quivering. But it didn’t really matter what he wanted. Who knew if the feeling would return again? he honestly didn’t think it would but his mind did what it liked without his say so.

They laid under the covers for a little while longer, her arms around him. Eventually Natalie got up and phoned Dr Reese. 

Natalie took his hand in hers. “It’s going to be okay Will.” He didn’t bother to change out of his pyjamas and slipped his shoes on. Will could barely look at her, too embarrassed and ashamed. At least he told her. He could have easily hid it from everyone. She gathered some of his things and off they went. Natalie took his hand and lead him into the hospital. At least she was holding his hand, somehow making this a little more bearable. Up they went to psych where Sarah was waiting. “This is just standard procedure. You know this. We just want to keep you overnight and we’ll go from there okay?” Since this whole thing had happened, he always felt like people tended to talk to him as though he were a child. Will supposed his demeanour might be similar but he was still a grown ass man. Dr Reese tended to speak him like a friend. She didn’t treat him like a child and he appreciated that.

Paperwork was filled out and Natalie sat with him. She’d have to call Jay, which she was dreading. That poor man had more than his fair share of stress already. Natalie didn’t want to add to it. 

Will had to change into the scrubs the patients wore. He supposed that at least he wasn’t in a gown. Now he had to figure out what to say to Jay. God, he hated himself for this. Jay didn’t deserve this. He just wanted his brother happy and this was what he did. Jay tirelessly took care of him and sheltered him because he was still too afraid to go back to his apartment and he nearly and carelessly took his own life. He _had_ to make it up to him. Will just wanted to give Jay the world.

Will furiously scribbled what he wanted to say to his brother when he arrived, hoping Jay at the patience to read it. Maybe he should stay here for a while. It might take the pressure off Jay. Will watches Natalie step out of the room and his heart sinks because he knows what she’s up to.


	8. The next step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> will has to meet with the board and his doctors to determine his direction at the hospital.

It’s exactly 15 minutes later when Jay bursts into the room. 

“What the hell were you thinkin’?” He asks, his accent particularly thick when he’s angry. Will bites his lip, his eyes pleading. “I can’t…I can’t believe…” Even though he could. Jay wasn’t surprised but he always assumed that was something that happened to other people, not people he knew. He angrily paced the room. “You can’t just…do that Will. God damn it! We’re supposed to be in this together! Just you and me. We came from _nothin’_ and gave ourselves more than we ever thought! I love you Will and you’re scarin’ the hell outta me! You know you can tell me anythin’. You know that!” 

_I know. I’m sorry Jay. I thought, at the time, I was a huge burden on you. i thought if i just got rid of this empty husk of a person, you’d be better off. i’m barely your brother anymore. i don’t know who i am. i feel torn apart. i thought..i thought it would be better for everyone. i know that’s not true. i was in the process and i just thought of you and i saw that picture of us from last summer and we were happy and i thought of Dad and my family here and…it was stupid and awful and trust me, i feel worse than you can imagine. i don't want to die Jay. I want to grow old with you. I want us to have big, noisy happy families that get together all the time._

“You’re damn right you’re sorry. You’re damn right!” Jay is still furious, his heart beating loudly in his chest. He almost lost Will that night. It was a horrifying thought and one that he’d be paranoid about for a while. “God damn it.” 

Will gets up and walks over to Jay, putting his hand on his shoulder. Jay doesn't want the reassurance right now. He’s just pissed and he _wants_ to be pissed. Instead, however, Will decides that’s enough. Will wraps his arms around Jay and hugs him. “I’m sorry…” He whispers softly. Jay wants to push him away, to yell and scream but he hugs his brother back. He doesn’t want the anger. All Jay wishes for is a sense of normalcy, something which seems to be out of reach for the both of them. 

They hug for a little while longer before Will releases his embrace. He sits on the edge of the bed and sighs. “I..cried every day for a month when we found out Mum was dyin’. And then it was every other day. And then it was…once a week..I was sad but I..I tried to make the most of it…I know..I know wasn’t there through a lot of it…Just..just the final days…I probably…cried every day for a year after she died.” He lets out a chuckle. “Hell, I probably still do..I know you..took it hard too..and…I don’t want to do that to this family…”

Jay hadn’t known to what extent Will had mourned their mother. He knew his brother was a fairly emotional person to start with, his eyes often giving away the things he refuse to feel in front of others. “We’re…we’re gonna get through this Will. I’m gonna say this over and over again until you get sick of it alright? I’m..I’m still pissed at you but..” Jay shakes his head. “You are _not_ dyin’ now. We’re growin’ old together.” Will nodded. 

It was getting easier and easier to talk to Jay. At least he had that. At least he could talk to him above a total whisper. It wasn’t normal volume but it was something. 

He ended up staying for several days before they finally released him. 

“I just want to go home..” Will whispered to Jay as they were leaving. “You sure?” “Yeah..” He’d been gone long enough and if he had any hope in continuing to recover, he should go back. Jay drives them to Will’s apartment. The red head is hesitant to get out of the car at first but he slowly musters the courage. His brother sticks close and they head inside. Up a couple of floors and they head down the hallway towards Will’s. Jay unlocks the door. 

 

Will steps inside. 

_flash; He gets up off the couch at the sound of the knock, peering through the peephole at men he doesn’t know._

It looks as though _nothing_ happened. 

_flash; ”Can I help you?” Will manages to get out before he watches the large man’s fist swing towards him_

Will looks around. Everything just seems so normal. It’s obviously been cleaned. Except for the small spatter of blood on the doorframe. 

_Flash; Will falls back, stumbling, his lip split, his hand pressing against his lip, smearing on the frame of the door. He gets struck again and the world is dark._

His stomach twists and he nearly suggests to Jay that they leave.

But his stubbornness is back in full force and he’s not going to leave. Those fucks took so much away from him but they weren’t going to take that away anymore. “Come on and sit bro. I’ll get us some take out. Think there’s still beer in the fridge.” Jay comments, walking over and pulling the door open. He grabs two beers and gets the lids off, handing one to Will. Will idly sips his beer, gazing out the window while Jay talks on the phone. He thinks he sees someone familiar standing on the sidewalk and his heart races but when he blinks, no one is there. 

Sarah says he’a got PTSD. Yet another thing he has in common with his brother now. At least Jay’s functional. Will’s got a stack of literature on the thing that he’s kind of read but he’s been a little preoccupied. The rest of the night is spent watching movies, eating take out and sort of one-sided conversations. Will’s trying at least. He’s trying to talk to Jay in any way he can.  
Will was taken from there but the entirety of his trauma didn’t occur there. 

It doesn’t take long for Will to fall asleep on the couch, his head tilted slightly to the side. Jay follows suit but wakes up a couple hours later. He gently nudges Will awake. “Get up. I can’t carry you anymore. You’re too damn tall.” Will chuckled and yawned before slowly standing up. The pair crawl into Will’s bed and he’s asleep before his head hits the pillow. His sleep is restless but the sleep he did get wasn’t bad. The next morning he wakes up before Jay does. Will slowly gets out of bed and trudges into the kitchen bleary eyed. He decides it’s coffee time and gets the brewer going. Jay wakes up to the smell of coffee. He panics for a moment when he realizes he’s alone but he hears Will in the kitchen. Jay yawns and gets out of bed, walking into the kitchen still half asleep. Will sets a mug of coffee down in front of him. Jay thanks him and brings it to his lips.

Will’s got therapy again today and he’s determined to make this work. He wants some normal back in his life again. 

“You’re doing well Will. After your setback, you really stepped it up. But you still haven’t spoken a word.”

_I talk to Jay sometimes…_

_but i guess, not a lot_

A lot of exercises and talking ( on her part) and they go over it and she talks more and Will writes more. But he doesn’t speak. 

A couple more months go by and he feels a little more comfortable in his own skin. His apartment seems a little less scary but that’s debatable some days. Jay leaves him alone during the day and while he worries, and periodically sends someone to look in on him, he feels okay about it. 

While there’s a lot going on in his mind still, he knows he’s taken another step because now he’s antsy during the day. Will’s bored. Actually bored. Leaving the apartment by himself still feels kind of terrifying so he’s stuck inside, trying to occupy himself. He reads medical textbooks and watches tv. 

Tomorrow it’s been 6 months. He’s got a meeting with Goodwin and his doctors. Will’s fate rests with them. He’s visibly nervous and he’s twitchy for the rest of the evening. Jay tries to get him to calm but how can a person be calm when his future is supposed to be decided tomorrow. Will’s sleep is restless and he spends most of the night awake, laying up the ceiling. The next morning he paces the house, fiddles with things, has a shower and paces some more. He’s driving Jay crazy. “Just sit down and drink your damn coffee.” Will does what he’s told but even though he’s sitting, he's still restless. 

Will sits across Goodwin, Jay at his side. Sarah and Dr Charles are also there with a couple of Will’s peers. He’s visibly nervous, unsure of what’s to come at this meeting.

“I need to know what your future is at this hospital Dr Halstead. You know we support you 100% and we want to make sure that you’ve got everything you need. I want to know if he’s able to do his job again.” It was pretty obvious that presently, there was no way. Will could not perform the tasks he needed to perform as an Attending. He knew this. “At this present time, I would recommend he not be returned to a full time attending. He’s not ready for that just yet.” Sarah replies, glancing over at Will. Will nods in agreement. “And you still haven’t spoken too much?” Goodwin asks him. Will shakes his head. He still can’t speak but he just _needs_ something to occupy his time. Will wants to help people in any way he can. 

_Can I sit at a desk? I just want to be useful and helpful._ He writes, his eyes pleading with Goodwin. It’s a lot harder to be as firm with him with that expression on his face now than before. Jay pleads Will’s case that he needs to get out of the house, that at least he feels safe at the hospital. Will loves his job and he needs it. He talks about how much better Will seems to be, while he has a long way to go, he’s doing really well.

The meeting is long. Really long. Will’s surprised by his ability to sit through such a thing. Seeing it all laid out before him really puts things into perspective. There are stacks of paperwork and folders with his name scrawled on them and neatly typed. 

“Will Halstead, as it stands, you'll remain a doctor at this hospital. You will not resume your Attending duties until your doctors give the go ahead and you feel comfortable. Your duties will be mainly desk work and the occasional assist on patient care but you will not be a primary doctor on any case.” Will closes his eyes for a moment. He opens them and smiles a little at Goodwin who smiles back. He’s _finally_ got a bit of normal back in his life now and he’s utterly relieved that she wants him to be there. Will was worried she might turn him away until he was healed or rather, until he was as healed as he could be. He nods a thank you to her. “You're welcome Will.” Jay is visibly pleased by this outcome. His brother could finally get his life back and he could have a little peace knowing Will was safe at the hospital, not as a patient. There was obviously still some worry there but he would get to it when it became pertinent. 

 

Will headed home with a little more light in his eyes. He was very much looking forward to working again even if it was at a reduced capacity. Will was perfectly okay with that right now.

And he was perfectly relaxed and excited about it until about 2am when the realization hit that he would be working again. Maybe it was a terrible idea. He couldn’t talk and he couldn’t deal with the touching. People were bound to try to hug him. There was a whole slew of things that flowed through his mind, bathing him in worry.  
The next day he certainly looked tired but he tried his best to be as alert as possible. Will showered and put on his scrubs for the first time in months. It felt good to wear them again. Jay drove him to work, giving him a pep talk. “You’re gonna be fine. They have my number if anything goes wrong, which it won’t. Your friends are in there and there gonna take care of you alright? You can do this. We’re Halstead’s. We get through everything.” Will nodded nervously and after a few minutes finally got out of the car. 

He walked into the ED where he hadn’t been in a long damn time, his backpack over his shoulder like normal. His co-workers were very glad to see him and tried their best not to upset him. Will put his stuff back in his locker and headed out and sat down behind the nurse’s station. “Alright Will, here are the charts.” Maggie began, a smile on her face. “You just gotta enter them in there alright? Once you finish those, we’ll get you on something else alright?” Will nodded. “Glad to have you back.” He nodded again and smiled back at her. Maggie lingered. Will noticed this and he knew what she wanted. He bit his lip in thought, wondering if he could handle it or not. It _was_ Maggie though. 

Will got up and hugged her. She hugged him back, telling him never to scare her like that again. He nodded in agreement and silently promised to try his hardest. Will was really glad to see her and hugging her wasn’t terrible. He obviously didn’t see her as a threat in any way which was a relief. Will had been worried he might panic, particularly because the hug was long but it was just fine. He hugged her a little longer before letting go and sat down

 

The next week Connor saw Will staring and called him over. “You wanna put a chest tube in this guy?” Will was slightly taken back by the request but he obviously wanted to. He nodded enthusiastically and gloved up for the first time in months. Connor hovered over him, which, normally, Will would hate but he appreciated it a lot. Will took a deep breath and cut into the guy. It didn’t take long for the tube to be inserted and he felt confident for the first time in months. He smiled down at his work, happy he was able to do it. “Nice job Dr Halstead.” It was a nice high to have for the rest of the day.

Connor tried to get Will to do a procedure every time he was working. He felt like it was important to get him back in the swing of things. Will was first and foremost a doctor, not an administrative assistant. It wasn’t his job and he didn’t go to school for it. “How’s he doing?” Natalie inquired, walking over to Connor who was standing at the end of the hallway. “He’s…doing well. He seems to light up whenever i get him in on a procedure.” Natalie nods. “But you’re keeping an eye on him right?” “Of course I am Natalie. I’m not gonna leave him to his own devices.” 

Oh they were talking about him. Will noticed their hush voices as they would periodically glance over at him. He tried to ignore it as best he could but it was hard not to let his ears listen. 

“Well good. He needs monitoring. I don’t want him _freaking_ out and you getting him all upset.” “I won’t Natalie. Trust me on this. You need to trust him. His medical abilities aren’t hindered in any way. I can tell you that much.” “Yeah but we can’t just let him do whatever he wants—“ “I’m not—“ 

Will looks up at the pair of them and holds one of his hands up, a notebook in it. The words “Shut up” scrawled on the pages. He raised his eyebrows at the both of them. 

Each day was a tiny bit easier. 

Most of his days were the same and they often blended together but he was fine with it. Will missed being a doctor through and through but at least he was at the hospital. He _was_ considering starting a research project but that would mean not being in the ED. Will felt safe here.

He continued to idly watch the doctors, remembering those weeks ago when Connor had asked him to put a chest tube in. Will sighed. 

“You need to get that boy in on a case or something.” Maggie commented, her arms crossed in disapproval. Connor raised his eyebrows. “He’s not—“ “He just sits there. All day. He doesn’t complain. He works hard. Will’s doing a fantastic job. He’s even helped rework how we file things! It’s great! But he’s not himself. No banter back and forth. No smirking. I don’t get to watch you two fight. He doesn’t butter me up for favours. That boy is like a brother to me and he’s just…sitting there filing paperwork.” 

“We’ll figure something out..” Connor replies, glancing at Maggie with his own arms crossed. “You better. Don’t make me stick him right in the middle of someone’s trauma case because I will.” And she certainly would. This threat was not empty. Not that she’d just abandon him of course but he needed to get back into there.

“I’ve got a case he can work on.” Ethan piped up, walking into the ED with a patient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say a quick thank you for all the support this fic has gotten. I really truly appreciate everyone's kind words. This is my first big fic in this particular fandom. Thank you guys so much.


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